starving for substance

new years resolution

Posted in Uncategorized by starvingsteve on December 31, 2009

tame the tongue


eh eff one?

Posted in Uncategorized by starvingsteve on December 31, 2009

af1 counselors are siiiiick.  love em.  when you put your kids to bed at 4am and are running on 4 hours of sleep and can spend the next 5 hours playing ninja and have a 2 hour long conversation with someone about church theology, it’s just hard to not be thankful for the body of Christ.


Posted in Uncategorized by starvingsteve on December 24, 2009

years ago, some guy named “bayes” tried to prove God existed by means of mathematics.  he failed.  as a result of his failure, he created one of the foundational concepts of probability theory (and the only reason why i’ve heard of this guy to begin with).

epic fail, no? (get it? it’s punny.  har har har)

the man with the highest iq in the world (christopher langan) has his own grand unifying theory of the universe, except this one doesn’t deal with strings, his deals with cognition or something or other.  in all honesty, it sounded too boring to read any further into.  his theory allows for God, souls, and all that other warm fuzzy stuff.

so here’s my question: if God can be proved mathematically or objectively, doesn’t that elevate the method used to prove God above God?  isn’t that why the existence of God isn’t necessarily some scientific fact but something God proves by Himself?

we all start with something and build our system of beliefs from there.  the foundations are important, worldview is important.

actually, that’s wrong.  worldview is everything.

i used to think worldview wasn’t so important, that we all basically fall into the same couple systems of thought, but no.  it’s not just “the more you know” but you have to know what you know and know why you know what you know or else when push comes to shove, you will realize you don’t know anything.

most atheists who call themselves secular humanists are funny people.  they have unwavering faith in their science, they fellowship with other nonbelievers, they read their atheistic texts (sagan, dawkins, henry, sartre, etc), they attend lectures, and they just try and be better people.

most christians who call themselves followers of Jesus are funny people.  they have unwavering faith in their God, they fellowship with other believers, they read their theistic texts (piper, zacharias, packard, grudem, etc), they attend services, and they just try and be better people.

foundationally, we’re all the same in that we long for a foundation.  the sad part is that we who supposedly have the foundation look exactly like those who say their answer is the exact opposite.  if all that separates christianity and atheism is word choice, then sign me up for the latter.  at least the people are nicer.

currently, there’s too much crap in my system.  too much extraneous knowledge with no firm foundation to latch onto.  it’s great to read good books, to go to awesome retreats, to do awesome churchy things, but in the end, self improvement is masturbation and we need to stop masturbating.

what’s the point of growing a tulip when you have no dirt to put it in?

2010 is the year for foundation.


is this a legit reason?

Posted in Uncategorized by starvingsteve on December 22, 2009

barnes and noble seems to be the only place around here that isn’t absolutely packed with people and gives me enough space to study (the public library is going under massive renovations so a temporary location is set up in a strip mall….i never thought i’d say this but take me back to champaign urbana!).  tragically, the barnes and noble is in a mall.

the mall is a place where really cool middle schoolers like to hang out.  and really cool high schoolers.  o my goodness i love the suburbs.

here’s a potential interview that went through my head:
interviewer: so how did you receive your calling to reach the (insert name of people group who have never heard of electricity)?
me: calling?  naw, i just didn’t want my kids to be douchebags when they grew up….hey sally, stop hitting that chicken we have to eat it later tonight!

or something like that.


holy crap i feel like posting a lot of entries

Posted in Uncategorized by starvingsteve on December 22, 2009

i have recently become semi-obsessed with mixed martial arts.  not so much the action because i don’t fancy getting my face beat into a pulp but the athletes are incredible.

not only are they physical specimens, they’re incredible.

they know what they do, they know that you either like it or hate it, they know that there’s not so much respect in what they do.  but they do it because they love it.  or kind of like it.  or something.

i recently watched the first season of the ultimate fighter (look it up on wikipedia).  a couple quotes came out from there that i loved (these are all paraphrased by the way since i’m too lazy to look up what they actually said).

chris leben: “i wasn’t too good at school and i can’t dance, so all i got left is fighting” (on his elimination from the show)

forrest griffin: “i’d really like to thank them [his coaches] because without them, i probably would have gone off to law school y’know be a police liutenant something somewhere, have a beautiful wife, kids, white picket fence, but thanks to adam and rory [his coaches], i live in rory’s living room, on a mattress, and i don’t have medical insurance and i get beat up for a living.”  you gotta love a guy whose fight strategy is to get hit in the mouth and figure it out from there.

that guy forrest griffin also wrote the funniest book i’ve read…it’s also funnier than any movies i’ve seen this year.  it also made the new york times bestseller list…in the “advice” category.

the thing i admire most about these guys is their willingness to put everything on the line for something that even if everything works out in their favor, will make them nothing compared to what other professional athletes get paid.  they really do have a passion for what they do, and i think as humans, we can learn a lot from people who have a passion for hitting and getting hit in the face.

all kidding and blood aside, these are some incredible people…and most seem like cool guys to boot.


Malcolm Gladwell is a boring writer

Posted in Uncategorized by starvingsteve on December 22, 2009

Well fine, I guess his subject material is interesting, but his style lacks no variety.

He’s started every single one of his books with some high falutin story with a feel good moral that people widely accept as true and then goes “OR IS IT????”

and then talks about how he’ll go into a whole wide range of seemingly random topics and then talk about how we’ll look at all of these and find out the truth behind them.  and those truths are all related.






Posted in Uncategorized by starvingsteve on December 22, 2009

That’s like the greatest show ever made.  It’s like pee my pants good.

Good characters, good story lines.

Take that k-dramas!  YOU’LL NEVER CONVERT MEEEEEEE!!!!!!



Posted in Uncategorized by starvingsteve on December 19, 2009

My brother joined the swim team for his senior year, making a comeback to the sport after a 2 year hiatus to focus on golf.  Because of this, there is a newsletter on our fridge announcing a “STOTAN Party” for all swimmers.

The concept of STOTAN is simple.  Winter break is when the toughest practices are held, so a special mentality must be adopted.  An attitude where the athlete is Stoic in his approach to his sport,  while his body has a Spartan-like aptitude to endure punishment and pain for the sake of improvement.  A blending of the mind and the body, a fusion of two separate Greek ways of life.  Stoic and Spartan becomes STOTAN and that is how one must approach these dreaded winter break practices.

Of course, this is what gets told to teachers, parents, or any authority figure that has the power to get you in trouble for having something inappropriate written on your shirt.  So when I saw this newsletter where a well meaning parent was hosting a “STOTAN Party” I had to giggle because STOTAN, like many things in life, is not what it seems.

Swim Till Our Testicles Are Numb



You Would

Posted in Uncategorized by starvingsteve on December 15, 2009

There’s no phrase I hate more and no phrase that makes me feel more judged and marginalized than “you would.”  I would rather someone call me a “chink.”

I can’t for the life of me figure out why though.  Any ideas?


Lessons Learned…

Posted in Uncategorized by starvingsteve on December 15, 2009

So recently I undertook a bet that sounds straight up retarded.

I bet someone $5 I could run 100 miles from December 12 to Christmas.  Keep in mind I haven’t exercised in about 2.5 months and my left leg is still a little stiff from a previous accident.

So why did I agree to this tomfoolery in the first place?  It’s not just my pride and has more to do with my ego (though that’s definitely there).

1.  I believe that the human body is capable of undergoing incredible duress and surviving. Think about every war crime committed during WWII and you will see stories of humans performing superhuman feats of survival.  This bet pales in comparison to what those people went through.  But I hate this “be thankful because other people have it worse” justification.  By that logic, in Heaven we will have nothing to be thankful for.  I refuse to be thankful simply because other people have it worse.  That’s just reveling in the misery of others.  So….

2.  I need to prove something to myself. The past 4.5 years I’ve been letting people dictate life to me on their own terms.  If someone tells me that a class is going to be hard, I just roll over and let it own me.  It doesn’t own me because I tried and failed, but because I gave up before it even started.  I would let the notions other people had in their mind become the foundation for which I approached things.  I don’t have something to prove to other people, but I have to prove something to myself first.  When I first heard the challenge I knew it would hurt like the dickens but I thought I could do it.  Basically it comes to the idea that I need to refuse to let ideas other people have in their mind of what is safe, what is “correct,” what is possible, determine the course that I do things in life(obviously this is not a blanket statement and should be taken as such.  I still need to submit to older/wiser individuals but haven’t heard anyone give me a good reason as to why I shouldn’t do this).  When giving advice about trading, a renowned trader once talked about having the guts to trust in what you think is right.  When the whole market seems to tell you you’re wrong, do you have the intestinal fortitude to stand by what you think is right?  In the same sense, when the question of morality comes into play, can I stand up for what is right when everyone else says the opposite?  Yes, this is a slippery slope argument but I think it bears some validity.  I’m not saying that if I can do this I will be able to take a stand for what is right when the world wants to kill me but Rome wasn’t built in a day either.

3.  I haven’t pushed myself physically in years. I used to have a swim coach who gave us interval work with our effort based entirely on our heart rate.  Like instead of “easy” he would write “120-140” indicating what our heart rate should be around.  Test sets (workouts that will induce vomit) had heart rates listed as “200+” meaning go until you felt like dying, then go a little bit faster.  I managed to get my heart rate around 220-230 beats per minute.  Later, I found out that a heart beating that fast can fail.  But I didn’t know that.  It just felt good to end that set.  I want to test myself, see how far I can push myself.  Haha that being said, I hit the wall today.  Couldn’t run anymore and had to limp home.  The temperature was plummeting and I had to walk a shivering mile back home, showing signs of hypothermia by the time I made it back (loss of motor control, confusion, excessive shivering), so maybe I got this goal out of the way, hahahaha oh my.

Also, a special thanks to the one person who didn’t call me dumb/stupid/”it’s not safe”/”you’re just trying to feed your ego”/”that’s retarded” for trying this.  Not saying names but he’s the best bowling captain ever and maintains a hilarious blog.  Thanks buddy!

So here we go, I got 78 miles left!