starving for substance

Hooray for Being Vague

Posted in Uncategorized by starvingsteve on July 28, 2010

Robert Frost penned a clever poem about two roads diverging in a yellow wood and how the one less traveled is the one that made the difference. Two questions arise: was it a good difference? Getting robbed by bandits is definitely different. Also, when one can take roads at random, then it seems to be a safe assumption that said individual has no real destination. This poem can then be interpreted as the journey being more important than the destination which is a less than biblical take on life. I think the Bible is quite clear on the destination being more important than the journey if anything for the reason that the destination is why we make the journey. So then we’re left with shallow life advice that tells us to choose the new experience simply because it will add more enjoyment to our current situation, yet our overall purpose remains vague. Take this one step further, add a purpose, and then the road less traveled might actually less traveled for a very good reason. We cannot simply make choices based on what is interesting or what is beneficial, but we much make choices based on what is right.

For me, when the road to the purpose is foggy, the paths to take make no sense. None seem to lead to the goal, in fact, some seem to lead directly away from it. Two paths diverged but it’s clear that neither are the right path.

A recent conversation (if you’re reading this then it wasn’t with you, don’t worry) is forcing me to look deep inside myself and examine what is really there, what is really me. What I’ve found is that I cannot compromise certain things, no matter what they might get me, though this conviction seems more from my own selfish pride instead of any deep understanding of Truth. Yet this failure to compromise throws a wrench into everything I once thought was possible and what was in the future. I now know how those flinty eyed, hard nosed business personalities became the people they did. They didn’t become ruthlessly efficient money makers because they cut out a part of their personality, they became ruthlessly efficient money makers because they lost a part of their soul.

So what good is it really when a man gains the world but loses his soul? Faced with the possibility, I can honestly say to myself that it’s not worth it. But then what? When you go somewhere and get to that fork in the road that doesn’t seem to lead to your destination, that’s when you need to come to terms with a new thought:

Have I made a mistake?


Delta Times

Posted in Uncategorized by starvingsteve on July 27, 2010

In the new age of information, the king is transparent.


Posted in Uncategorized by starvingsteve on July 25, 2010

A natural part of life is when you pack up and move on to another place. The place you left moves on like nothing is different and the place you go to never acknowledges your arrival. Yet as time goes on, we change, the places we were change, and you realize that you can never really go back, the only real option is to move forward. Holding on to where we were but never dwelling there, your eyes facing forward and your legs always moving towards what’s to come.

Peace out, Champaign-Urbana, Peace out CFC. Y’all have been good to me. The past five years have gone flew by and have made this podunk city surrounded by farms and the smell of cow dung feel like home.


(in t-one week)



Posted in Uncategorized by starvingsteve on July 24, 2010

Last summer, I felt like I completely quit during the last couple weeks of CFC Summer School. Sure I did everything, but I found myself simply trying to get through the day instead of really trying to give my best to the end.

Today, I found myself at the end of our CFC Summer School program with genuine sadness in my heart, simply for the fact that everything was over.

A big part of why I stayed this summer was to have one more opportunity at something I feel like I gave up on.

One Lesson Learned: Everything [not just the Jesus stuff] deserves your best the first time you do it.


OMG Fail

Posted in Uncategorized by starvingsteve on July 6, 2010

The Background
I’m teaching a 5th grade class at a summer school program.

The Context
I’m trying to have them learn about writing stories and storytelling, as well as thinking about what it means to be in someone else’s shoes.

The Setting
Crisis Nursery. A non-profit that offers free childcare to families in crisis situations. We visited this place and many of my students were moved by what they saw and expressed a desire to help out.

The Assignment
To see what they understood about the nursery and to try and get them to see things from a different perspective, I had them write a story pretending they were a five year old going to Crisis Nursery for the first time.

The Response

Hello my name is Billy Bob Bean Joe. I am 5 years old. I got here because my dad ate 28 pounds of bacon, 75 tons of potatos [sic], 1,000,000 pounds of pork, 800 bundles of vegetables, 100,000,000 tons of shirts, 20,000 bottles of beer and a caprison [sic]. I am 5. My favorite place is the kitchen because I enjoy eating. My dad also was hurt by aliens while firing an M4A1 at them. My dad’s name is Bobby Lee Jr. the fourth. I like the fish cracker things they give us the most.

I fail.

(He gave himself the F-…I swear)


Mindless Ramblings

Posted in Uncategorized by starvingsteve on July 2, 2010

Entering my last full month in Champaign, nostalgia hits hard. The person I am as I leave is different from the person I am when I entered, but not for reasons that I would have expected when first setting foot here.

Eminem recently released a new album. Some of the tracks are so-so but some of the tracks are absolute gold. The level of effort he pours into his work is astonishing, all so he can save hip hop and do what he feels he was put on this earth to do. I’ll agree with you when you say he’s misguided, but I also have to say he gets the point better than most.

I get a lot of grief for acting too immature. I would love to start discussions on the definition of maturity, but I might just leave it with an indictment. No one who has ever wagged their head at my actions or told me to act my age has ever exemplified maturity in my eyes. Hint: maturity is more than having the “serious stick” jammed so far up your rear you can’t breathe…or smile.

A recent conversation has led me to believe women are just as shallow as men. For some reason this made me laugh a lot and felt like a moral victory for my gender (Hi!, didn’t know you read this, hahaha). Men will always be seen as shallow but I think I can argue this one ad nauseum.

One of the biggest (and strangest) regrets of the whole college experience is not buying a lemon meringue pie at Meijer. It’s too late now though.

Late night trips alone to Meijer make me emo. But I go anyways.